


Day Three: Longing

by Demia



Series: JadeRose Week [3]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Coming Out, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-11
Updated: 2016-08-11
Packaged: 2018-08-08 03:58:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,495
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7742461
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Demia/pseuds/Demia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jade can't wait to finally meet her friends - and Rose, in particular - in person.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Day Three: Longing

## 

Day Three: Space and Light / Prospit and Derse

### Longing

You spend most of your time asleep.   
Your friends know this. They don't have a problem with this.   
You, on the other hand, sometimes do.

Mostly, it's when you stray from your moon, from your room, to go and look at them.   
You know how creepy it would sound, if you were to tell them. 

Maybe Dave would not take it personally. He would tease you and then fall down into one of his rambling sprees and you would be safe, but John and Rose… They wouldn't like it, you think. 

gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering  tentacleTherapist [TT] at 14:13 

GG: hypotethically, 

TT: Yes? 

GG: how weird would it be if someone stared at you while you slept??? 

TT: … 

TT: Is there something you would like to tell me? 

TT: Jade? 

TT: Jade. Are you still there? 

GG: sorryyyy rose!!! i am asleep right now… 

GG: maybe i can talk to you later if you want??? 

TT: Of course, you're asleep. I have no difficulty at all believeing it. Because it's you I am talking to. 

TT: You have to admit it is peculiar, that you can manage to pester me while you sleep, but I will not non-believe you. You are my friend, there is no reason why you would lie to me, is there? 

GG: are you okay??? rose?????? :B 

TT: Are you still asleep? 

GG: yes!!!! 

GG: my naps last a looooong time these days! 

GG: :B 

TT: Well, I guess it couldn't hurt to tell you this, since you're not actually conscious, at the moment. 

TT: I fear my mother is keeping some things a secret from me. She is weird. Even weirder than usual, you know? 

GG: no :| 

GG: but i can kind of see what you are talking about :) 

GG: i am sorry rose! your mom will be fine!!! promise!!!!! 

GG: :) 

TT: I see. Probably talking to your asleep self wasn't such a good idea, after all. 

TT: Contact me again after you've woken up. 

TT: Or, I suppose I will contact you later and see if you're awake, since I don't know if you can remember the things you read while you're… taking a nap. 

tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering  gardenGnostic [GG] at 16:38 

GG: rose?? 

GG: rose are you angry with me????? 

GG: rose!!! 

GG: :(((

~*~

Your name is Jade Harley.   
You have finally reached God Tier.   
Your new outfit is lovely and soft and comfortable. 

You think, for no reason at all, about your friends.   
Or, well, the reasons to think about them are endless, of course.   
They are your friends! This is already enough of a reason to think of them, isn't it?

But you always think of them. You think of them too much. They don't think about you nearly as much as you do. 

The game should have made it possible for you to see them, finally.   
Real people.   
Real, alive, non-stuffed people. 

Oh God, your eyes are filling with tears.   
You're getting just as bad as your dead dream-self. 

gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering  tentacleTherapist [TT] at 17:29

GG: rose? 

GG: rose are you there?? 

TT: Yes, I am here. 

TT: What do you need? 

GG: i am god tier too!!! i have fluffy dog ears now!!! how cool is that??? 

GG: soooo cooool 

TT: It is very cool indeed. A dream come true, I suppose. You must be very happy about it. 

Oh, yeah, very happy. Happy is exactly how you feel in this moment.   
You definitely don't have any trouble staring at the screen, you don't have tears blurring your sight, not at all. And you are not sobbing so hard as to take your own breath away, no sir.   
No.   
You are happy.   
The happiest person alive.

GG: it is so cool rose!!! you cant even imagine how cool this is 

GG: i am very happy :))))) 

TT: That is a great amount of parentheses you have there. So many mouths on your face. I am getting a little afraid, to tell you the truth. 

GG: :/ 

TT: Oh, thank God the mouths have receded, you now have a normal quantity of mouths on your person. I am glad. 

TT: it would be hard to smooch all those lips amirite 

TT: Forgive me. That was Dave. As you probably already understood from the abysmal spelling. He is currently trying to reach my Hubtopband heya im rose lalonde and i am the biggest gay lady in all the universes and i have a big gay crush for fugedhugfdugb fguefgubjdkgiudgfuogfd 

TT: I apologize. Again. 

TT: Still Dave, trying to sound funny. 

GG: hahahah!!! you guys are having tons of fun ;) 

GG: i am feeling a little bit left out to be honest 

GG: tell dave hello from me okay? 

GG: tell him he is my favorite cool guy 

GG: sooooo coooooooool 

GG: almost cooler than my new pajamas 

TT: what do you mean almost? im definitely cooler than your pjs 

TT: im the coolest. refrigerator cold. youre unable to stand next to me without freezing thats how cool i am. 

GG: hello dave!!!!!! 

GG: how are you doing?????? 

GG: <3 

TT: He is currently not doing so well. 

GG: oh no!!!! :( did you hurt him? 

GG: rose?????? 

GG: >:| 

TT: I have not done too much harm to his person. I promise you. He is in time-out. 

TT: But tell me how you are doing, Jade. It's been a while since we talked last. 

TT: Is everything alright?

You consider telling her that no, everything is not alright.   
You consider telling her that you know where she is because you can feel it with your space powers, that you want to go to her, hug her so tight as to take her breath away, hug Dave too, hug John too, even if he is not with them.

You consider telling her that the longing is killing you, blocking your airways and choking you.   
You consider telling her you're crying, you're desperate, you want her – or anyone, really, but her in particular – close to you, next to you, keeping you company, touching your skin, making you feel real. 

It's been so long since another human has touched you.

It's been so long. You don't even remember how warm skin can be, how soft and amazing and heartbreaking it is to be touched. 

GG: everything is perfect!!! :) 

GG: <3 <3 <3 

GG: is your pajamas as comfy as mine? 

TT: How would I know how comfortable your nightwear is, compared to mine? 

GG: riiiiight 

GG: flighty broad 

GG: :B 

TT: Yeah, sorry. I suppose that was a little snotty of me. I apologize. 

GG: nah dont worry it is okay 

TT: My God Tier pajamas are very comfortable indeed. And they are orange. Not my favorite color at all, but I suppose I will be able to stand it, for a little while. 

GG: mine are black!! 

GG: want to switch when we finally meet??? i love orange!! reminds me of mandarin oranges 

GG: those are my favorite food ever! 

TT: I see. Sorry Jade, I would love to stay and talk to you for hours. I have missed you terribly. But we have a bit of a situation here. I have to go. 

GG: oh!! okay!!!!! 

GG: talk to you later then 

TT: Yes. I will be sure to pester you as soon as possible. 

TT: Take care of yourself, Jade. 

TT: Goodbye. 

GG: bye rose <3 

GG: take care of yourself too 

GG: and tell dave to take care of both of you with his time powers 

GG: love you 

TT: Love you too.

tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering  gardenGnostic [GG] at 18:12 

You read her last words and you feel a blush raise to your cheeks.   
You try to keep it down, try to blame it on the tears, but you know its true meaning. 

You have probably known for a while.

~*~

“Oh my God, you're so pretty!” you screech, staring, disbelieving, in the hologram of your computer.   
Rose is blushing like mad, on the other side, and she is smiling a very little smile.   
Her lips are stained in dark gray, surely the remains of her black lipstick, and you can't help the heat spreading in your belly at the idea of kissing them clean and pink and shiny.

Hey, you're a thirteen-year-old! Wanting to kiss the prettiest girl you've ever seen is normal!

“Thank you, Jade. You are very beautiful too,” Rose says. Her voice is distorted and glitchy, but it's the best thing you've ever heard.   
It feels unreal, to finally see her, to finally talk to her like this, to not having to read her lovely snotty purple text. 

“So that's your room? Can I see it? Do a tour of your house for me, Rose! Do it, do it, do it!!!”

“Alright, alright. Calm down, Jade. I know you're very excited, but your screaming is going to wake up my mother. And I don't really want to see her. Or, God forbid, for you to see her and for her to see you. Who knows what kind of retaliation that would have. She would probably cry passive-aggressive tears of joy because her precious daughter finally has a real friend.” Rose's mouth twist in an unkind line, and her cheeks get red with frustrated anger. 

You've always thought that she was exaggerating the annoyance she held for her mom, but you guess you were wrong.   
You would like to reprimand her. She should be glad to have another – alive – person sharing her home.   
She should be thankful, instead of irritated. 

You don't even know what you would be willing to give to have your Grandpa back with you. In a real way, not just as a stuffed corpse. 

“I'm sure,” you tell her, reigning in your bitterness, “that I would love your mom. She sounds like an interesting person.”

“Hmm, interesting, yes. That's undoubtedly an adjective apt to describe her. As is unbelievable, petty and passive-aggressive,” Rose says, and she is a flighty broad trough and trough, you realize with a bit of bite in your mouth. 

It's a rough feeling, the one that catches you when you discover your first love best friend is not as flawless as you have always thought her to be.   
It's rough, but it is necessary. 

She leads a tour of her house for you. It's immense, even larger than yours, possibly, and you fight to stay awake through it all because… Well… You're lonely out here, on your own all the time.  
Grandpa can offer only so much company before his silence – masked by the words you put in his mouth – gets sad instead of an excuse for remembering the way he used to talk. 

Rose offers a more lively kind of company. And even if she is not flawless anymore, in your eyes, she is still dear to your heart and you're still wholly grateful for her presence. 

~*~

You try out your powers.   
You caress the flanks of the Land of Light and Rain. They are soft, just as Rose's hips would be, you think, just as her love handles would be.

John, bless him, stares at you, at first, while you lavish the small planet with affection.   
Lately, he's stopped that, because he finds you creepy.   
He thinks, and this he doesn't tell you but you read it in his beautiful sky-blue eyes, that you give out a stalker-ish vibe whenever you touch LOLAR for too long, or stare at it too longingly. 

It's not something you can help.   
LOLAR is warm and soft and full of secrets.   
You can hear the rain sing inside, a music that Rose should learn how to play but never will, no, she never will have time to learn how to play the rain, you think, but it's okay. You can still hear it, and you will mumble and hum this song for her, once you will finally have her at your side.

Oh, how you crave her skin on yours, her lips on yours, her hands on your body and her body under your palms. 

She is so beautiful. She is even more beautiful now, you would bet, now that her childhood is over and there is a whole new depth to her. 

A Seer of Light, she is now, and you would bet your own life that she is the most beautiful Seer of any Aspect that the universes have seen. 

“Whenever you wanna stop, Jade,” John teases you, but there is real concern under his jabs. There always is.   
He worries for you, bless him. 

You walk to him and place a lovingly kiss on his forehead. He is so short compared to you, and he told you Rose is even shorter. You will dwarf her with your bare presence.  
But this is only good news, your height will be perfect for smothering her in a hug or two or three-hundred. 

“I miss her so much,” you confess to him, tears in your eyes you won't shed.   
What good would they even do? It's not like a good cry would bring you to Rose – or she to you – any faster. It would only give you a fastidious headache. 

“I'm sure she misses you too,” John says, patting you on the back.   
He is so awkward that you have to chuckle at him. Your brother. Your baby brother. You've always wanted one.   
You hug him harder, until you hear him gasp for breath, and then just a smudge tighter, just to make it impossible for him to forget your affection. 

*

Rose. 

How to describe her?

Rose shines.   
She shines as bright as the sun itself. And you know the sun – at least the green one – close and personal. It is somewhat part of you, in a very roundabout way. 

But Rose shines brighter than even that, you can barely stand to look directly towards her. 

“Jade!” Her voice is so much more beautiful, heard it in real life. Not glitchy anymore, not distorted, not high-pitched and scratchy as when she was a thirteen year old with the bad habit of not speaking to her mother.   
You know she regrets it, and you are, deep in your heart, glad that she sees the mistakes of her ways, even if it hurts her like nothing else. “It's so good to see you,” she murmurs, walking closer to you, one step at a time. Her hands shake and she shines so bright, so fucking bright. You have tears in your eyes from how bright she is. 

Or maybe it's only because you've waited all your life for this moment.   
Maybe it's because Rose Lalonde is the most amazing person you've ever known and you love her so, so much. 

So much it hurts you. So much you could drown in the feelings. So much you would die right now, this exact moment, in this position, if you were forbidden to touch her, to take the hand she is offering you, trembling, trembling, just as terrified as you are.

Her skin is so soft, so soft you could cry, you could die. It is so soft you could caress it all day, every day, for all eternity. 

“You too,” you tell her, and your voice doesn't shake, it doesn't need to. 

_I longed for you too long, too much_ , you want to tell her.   
_I have loved you all my life, since I first saw you in Skaia's clouds_ , you need to say, but you don't.   
You don't, you don't.

She would react…   
You don't know how she would react, but she _would_ , she would never let something like that go by without a retort, a reply, and you don't want to soil this moment with your feelings, with your pathetic wishes. 

“You too,” you repeat, and now your voice cracks, and she has brought her other hand up to your shoulder, with just a little bit of difficulty, standing just a little on her tip-toes.   
She's so short and so bright and so beautiful.

You launch yourself at her, fuck the distance between your bodies, it is not necessary, it is not wanted, and you engulf her, you hide her in a hug so big for her small body, so big and warm and bright. 

Her skin sings to you the same song the Rain used to play, her hands grip the back of your god tier outfit so hard she could rip it apart and you don't care one single fucking bit. 

As your tears finally, finally, soak her shoulder, you feel at home.  
You whisper secrets in her skin, just as she used to whisper you secrets in her lovely purple text. 

~*~ 

tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering  gardenGnostic [GG] at 13:59 

TT: My dearest friend. 

TT: I think I want to make you a participant in this debate I am having with myself. 

GG: ???? are you okay? 

GG: do i have to worry? 

TT: Not at all. Don't worry about me, I am in perfectly fine shape. 

TT: Safe and sound. Not a scratch on my soft, fragile, paper-thin skin. 

TT: Just some thoughts, troubling my mind, hunting my dreams at night. 

TT: It is very troublesome, to be a teenaged girl, I must admit. 

TT: I would love to say I am in perfect control of my deepest desires. I would love to say I know them all and I have made my peace with them a long time ago. But, alas, 

GG: rose!!! :| 

TT: I must admit, at least to my very own self, and to you, now, I suppose, if you would do me the honor of listening to my rambling musings about myself in this fine, tempestuous day, 

GG: goddamn, rose, get to the point!!!! i am having a heart attack over here thinking you are seriously in some deep crisis!!!! 

GG: you know I will gladly listen to everything you want to tell me :) 

GG: you are my best friend <3 

TT: Yes, heart indeed. 

TT: Listen, Jade, I know you're a lovely person, 

GG: thanks I try my best ;) 

TT: and it would be awful for me if you were to cut our friendship off, after what I am about to tell you. 

TT: So, I just want to premise my confession by a heartfelt, truthful declaration. 

GG: go ahead! 

GG: rose??? 

GG: lalonde!!! 

TT: Apologies. I found my heart not quite in my throat but getting there unbelievably fast. I had to go and take a walk around my house. 

TT: You are the best friend I have and I love you very much. 

TT: Even if I may appear cold, usually, I have deep and warm feelings of comradeship and strictly platonic love for you. 

GG: !!!!! 

GG: <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 

GG: me too!!!! 

GG: rose whatever you have to tell me you dont have to worry about this!!! i will never ever ever not ever think of you as anything but my best friend!!!! 

GG: you can be sure that you could never say anything at all that makes me want to leave you or never talk to you again 

GG: i promise!!!!!! 

GG: i love you too by the way 

GG: very very super much 

GG: <3 <3 

TT: All right. Here we go then. 

TT: Jade I think I am 

TT: I think I 

GG: rose? 

GG: did you go and take another walk around your house??? 

GG: your house is huge rose!!! no wonder you are taking so long with this! 

GG: but it does not bother me at all 

GG: take your time! 

GG: i will be here when you come back! 

TT: I am fairly sure I am more attracted to girls than I am to boys. Romantically speaking. 

TT: Correction. I am completely sure I am attracted to girls and not to boys. Romantically and physically speaking. 

TT: I hope this doesn't ruin our friendship in any way. 

GG: rose oh my god!!! :((( >:| i would never stop being your friend for this????!!!! 

GG: i… why would you think i would reject you?? 

TT: I don't know. I am just a little self-conscious, I suppose. I apologize for hurting your feelings with my assumptions. 

GG: shut up! 

GG: i am still your best friend and i am a little bit pissed but this is not about me 

GG: you like girls that is so cool 

GG: cooler than even dave could get 

GG: you are still the most flighty, perfect and amazing person i know 

GG: and i am still proud of having you as a friend 

GG: <3

~*~

“I love you,” you tell her, for the first time and for the thousandth, billionth time all at once, and she giggles, she chuckles, she laughs. Her hand is buried deep in your hair and she laughs and laughs and laughs, her tears smells like dew. 

“Me too, Jade. Me too.” 


End file.
